You may have noticed that the trip has sounded pretty idyllic so far. I’m afraid it’s time to set the record straight. 1) The door.

We are flying down the road and it flies open!! AAAHH! AAAHH! Susan is driving, kids are buckled in safely, and I’m buckled in with dog in my lap, and immediate instinct is to jump up and close it. This is terrifying. There is road noise and open road going past our open door. Of course as soon as I put Kitty down I realize THAT is a big mistake. Luckily Susan had already slowed down and she grabbed Kitty by the fur. I pull the door shut and lock it again, and about an hour later it happens again. We are now seasoned open door veterans. I had already tied Kitty to the chair in case it happened again. Each time it happened, we learned a little more mechanically, about why it was happening.

Actually it’s a fail no matter what. We learn that the lock doesn’t line up, and just exactly how to pull on it to get it shut. And also how to test that after shutting and locking. It happened one more time after I dropped the kids at Dallas, and on the phone with Susan we came up with this idea:

Needless to say I have started a Claim with the manufacturer.

2) these mysterious hanging wire things:

What are they for? Why are they dragging, what will fail if they’re wrecked? Inquiring minds want to know. I love duct tape too.

Wow. I’m gonna need a second cup of half- caf to get through sharing all this.

3) the day we fed Bernie too many blueberries.

Car seats are a pretty tight fit. So are diapers. When we finally reach our destination I see Bernie putting something in his mouth. The gigantic blueberry poop blowout had extruded out the diaper, unbeknownst to us, while driving. It’s a blueberry extravaganza. Almost as horrifying as the door.

4) The drunken Yeti man at Waxahatchie. this is not an actual photo of him but pretty close on the facial hair. He did not have happy eyes, and he was older and drunker.

Susan was trying to nap and I was outside having a nice time with the kids. He came up and started yelling at me about parking wrong, and I started yelling back. Susan came out during the noise and spoke reason with me. She took over with the man, who was still yelling, and I went to the office and arranged a different camping spot. I just told the office we did not feel safe.

I did kinda hope, for a little bit, that he’d forget his little glasses during the eclipse. He should not feel safe around me.

I returned , and apologized to him for yelling. It almost kills me whenever I have to do this because HE- YELLED- FIRST! Apologizing made me feel better again, and we went to the new spot. Thank goodness I know how to remove myself from situations that I don’t like.

6) Odette and her Hello Kitty stuffie

The second night, it fell off the bunk about 2am and she cried inconsolably till retrieved it for her. In the dark.

So, a couple days later, my go- go- gadget mind has invented a way for her to not lose the stuffie at night. We will tie it to a string, and tie the end to the bed rail. Like this:

Brilliant, right?

Again at about 2 am she wakes me, screaming: “I’m STUUUCK! I’m STUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!” I pop my head up there and find her clutching hello kitty to her chest. But Odette is wrapped up tight like a little mummy in the string. Apparently kids roll around a lot when they sleep. It takes a good couple minutes to untangle her, and untie Hello Kitty.

I wish I had a photo of the moment, but it was really dark. I think my re- creation is pretty darn good.

Finally, 7) the piece de resistance. Remember the baby sleeping in the shower stall? The story I said I’d get back to?

The first or second night I notice our kitchen sink is draining pretty slow. I mentioned it to Susan even. Next morning, while Susan is out for her morning run, Bernie cries out (about 6:30) so I get him, and he is SOAKING WET! I have immediate and severe Grandmother guilt. The shower thing was, after all, my idea. WHAT did we do wrong?

Turns out we were parked on a bit of a hill, so the gray water backed up in the shower. Lesson learned- keep the tanks empty.

Then it happened again- We were all very tired, 2 nights later, and Susan is in the little loo putting Bernie down for the night. Stupidly I turned the pump back on – just for a moment- to rinse my fingers. I hear an adult Primal Scream. Then I hear a baby Primal Scream. Turns out Susan was bending into the stall gently putting Bernie down.

The baby is crying, Susan is crying, I am crying, and Odette is asking: “Why is everybody crying?”

Sigh.

Sorry, Susan. ❤️

Interestingly, when we originally told my son Jon the sleep plan for the baby, all he said to us was:

“Sounds like you’re gonna have a wet baby.”

Jon, you were right.